excerpts from a letter to him

You were not meant to read this whole letter, only he was. But here are parts of it I found to be incredibly self-realizing sentences.

"Part 1

My mind is lost. Lost forever.
Admittedly, it is the least of my problems.
You see, I'm the most important person in my life.
At least, right now, I am.
This stems back to years of trying to please
EVERYONE
and, needless to say, I lost my mind.

Drugs were involved. (Lots of drugs.)
And my first true love rejecting me.
And my family finally revealing themselves.
I dated around, not very much.
But all ended on my terms, under my control.
When I decided to change myself,
Boys were pushed aside.
My friends were pushed aside.
My family were pushed aside.
Only I remained, scared shitless.
I had lost my mind.

The only thing left to do was rebuild.
I started remembering bits of me.
I took the bits and built upon them.
/I am an intelligent person./
/I am a loyal person./
/I am an observer./
/I am a great listener./
/I am a driven person./
/I am a stubborn prick./
/I am a talented mind./
/I deserve love./

As the bits returned and expanded,
A new mind was created.

• A mind of knowledge, useful and useless.
• A mind of emotion, sensitive and caring.
• A mind of hopes, optimistic and grand.
• A mind worthy of giving love to those who earn it and give it back
• A mind capable of independence

I became someone who didn't need anyone.
It was scary, but I realized it was maturity.
The mind, forever lost, was now fixed.
I am the most important person in my life.

And then I met you."

"Part 2

Tonight I asked my love what he thought of you.
He looked at me straight in the eyes.
'You know I don't have the answer. What do you think?'
I was taken aback. 'But you are my love!
Certainly my love that I have inside me would know if I was
In love or not!'
He stared at me, smirking. Then he answered my question.
'It is too early to tell. But I do stir when he is around. It makes you
Uncomfortable.'
'Shut up,' I told my love, and left.

The term 'boyfriend' doesn't agree with me. When I have a boyfriend, I'm usually unhappy and eager to end the relationship. Every boyfriend I've had, I've been focusing on their flaws and little annoying quirks. I become this over-analytical grumpy mess until I break up with the guy. I have avoided having a boyfriend for a year and four months now. The experience has been rewarding, reassuring myself that I am a person who doesn't need to lean on others to get by. I had decided I don't want a boyfriend. Not unless I fell in love, of course. And that'll never happen, right? RIGHT?"

The rest of the letter was not meant for your eyes. Only his.

-Brock-